I’m a writer in love with the world, but I know this:
It’s lonely to wonder if you’ll ever truly feel at home. It’s sharply beautiful in the right light.
When you’re awake again at 2.57am though — and still staring into the dark an hour later — it rarely feels beautiful. You know the next day is just ‘later today’ and it will be brutal when you’re this tired.
And then there’s the guilt too. It sounds like you don’t appreciate all you already have, when you think about everything that’s not going well.
There are people with far less. There’s much bigger stuff going on in the world. I should be more grateful.
But you feel stuck working to everyone else’s clock and the truth is: you have no real sense of time, other than it’s short. No one seems to understand that.
I can’t waste my life.
What if you’re made to not waste your life? What if your hunger for the horizon and joy at new possibilities helps you? Helps you discover the ways life matters to you.
With an incessant there’s-only-one-shot-at-this drive, you keep trying to do the things and find the people and places that give you a blissful shot of contentment.
You keep hoping. Life feels better when you’re positive.
Until it’s 2.57am again.
I just need more than this.
Welcome. I’ve lain there with those knotted longings too — in several parts of the world. There are no miracle remedies but I understand those feelings, and I wrote something I think you’ll enjoy.